.its hard to stay mad
when chester is whispering at you
about lost love and forcing you to think about ur biggest fear
and you cant change the song
because its easier to cry then it is to talk
even tho ur gonna have to do it sometime
now i know why people get arrested for neglect
its a tragic thing
lonliness isn't cute
its not beautiful or graceful or strength in disguise
its just tragic
[the only thing thats wore than one is none]
its pretty much summer
you know that time
when the human race is like mega horny
and people stop thinking
im scared...
yeah im scared
but im not walking away
because thats stupid
id rather go down fighting, you know?
i miss tania
she vanished or something
i havnt talked to her in WAY too long
i totally miss that girl
i hope shes okay...
i hope im ok
i wonder what im gonna say
when i have to say something
maybe ill just end up saying
the exact thing im trying to hide
i hate solitude
but thats what i get so much
too much
im like a freaking solitude magnet
i hate starting friendships
starthing anything really
starting is the hardest part of anything
well most stuff
for me
thats why i cant let go
i cant start over
more than that
i dont WANT to start over
but like he said
"nobody said it would last forever"
i remember in the beginning
i just knew it wouldn't last
but i was wrong
i've been wrong alot
when it comes to him
i try tho
i try hard
somethimes at my own expense
but whatever
hes worth it
really hes worth more,
but i cant only give what i can give
i took a walk in the rain today
because i was feeling lonely
so i walked to where i go when i feel lonely
and i did what i usually do
with one exception
i saw him this time
hes so cute in the morning
but i dont think he wanted me there
minus the fact that he told me to leave
he just looked um..dissappointed
that i was there
maybe i wont go there anymore..
it was nice while it lasted tho
it was like the 8th time
i like the walk
so i walked to boarders
[something tells me, there is no "a" in borders
but i just dont know]
he said he'd call and we could do something
but im smarter than that
i didnt want to drag him away from his game anyway
thats kind of stuff makes me feel like
a whiny, needy, clingy, shithead girlfriend >.<
so i read a book
imagine that
a book.
it was pretty good
i like books that make me think
i think i've read that book before
i walked back to his house
because im pathetic like that
just for a look, really
then took a run
so id make it back to lake
before my mother figured out my secret hideaway
it worked
but my hood came off
and i got drenched
and my hair is all curly again
and theres no sound like wet sneakers
on wet pavement how come its called pavement when its dry
and cement when its wet? so before i got in the car
i rubbed my face so it looked like only rain
had wet it, but that was a lie.
sivering and drenched
i went to church
and spent another hour choking back tears
in the presence of the Lord.
I dont think anyone could tell
but andrew
he's nice.
isnt it nice
how after the rain
everything is clean and fresh
like a new beginning
and after tears i feel exhausted
but in the exhaustion, theres a peace
a head clearing, calm
its better than most other feelings,
to me
this is a long entry
i think (for your sake) it should end
i just had to express myself
it makes talking easier
i still dont know what to say exactly
but its like freestyling
it comes to you.
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